Brave New World

By now we've all heard about the Devil Rays' plan (hope) to build themselves a new ballpark on the waterfront where their spring training stadium, Al Lang Field, currently sits.

Anybody reading this who's known me for any amount of time knows what an absolutely horrible place I think the Tropicana Dome is as the home of a major league baseball team. It is an embarrassment and needs to be abadonded as soon as possible. And yet there have always been people around here who insist on defending it, and who look at me like I'm crazy when I suggest that the team needs to and wants to get a nicer place. You know, one that actually takes advantage of and accentuates some of the many reasons we live in this beautiful place to begin with.

That is why it was so rewarding when I first heard the news about this.

We can go round and round about the feasibility of this entire project, how it will get paid for even if it is feasible, and if it is truly reasonable to expect it to happen at all. In fact, in the coming year or so, baseball fans and non-baseball fans in this area alike are going to do all of those things.

But how can you at least not get a little bit excited about the possibility?

No one is more of a Tampa > St. Petersburg than me, or more of a Hillsborough > Pinellas guy than me. But that's really no longer the point. Even though I beleive the owners would love to be in Tampa, which makes the most geographical sense, at least there's some forward thinking here. Those who came before painted the team into a corner and anchored the team down in the wrong place, which has led to a situation today that seemingly makes staying on the Pinellas side the first option. That's unfortunate, but within those parameters, isn't this pretty much the ideal scenrio? You've got waterfront views. You've got open air, with a sort of "saillike" canvas used as a covering for the seats. You've got AMBIENCE.

So parking may be a little leaner. I couldn't be any less concerned. It has been my ballpark experience at other places that there is an inverse relationship between available parking and the ballpark's level of charm. The less parking available, the more charming the ballpark. Public transit and other issues will have to be addressed if this were to get past the voter approval stage, but for now, for the first time, I'm actually a little impressed with this ballclub's foresight.

For those of you who insist it can never happen, or those of you who like the team playing at the Trop just the way it is, I honestly don't even know what to tell you.

Going into the belly of the beast

Get the fuck ready...





Before the season started, The Chelsea Bee and I decided that the 2007 edition of our annual Gator game SEC road trip (at Auburn was 2006) obviously had to be Oct. 6 - at LSU. We did this in anticipation of the Megasupercolossalgigantic UltraClash that we thought this game could be. There was a checklist, before the first game of the season had been played, that we figured would need to be met to qualify the game for the lofty and elusive Megasupercolossalgigantic UltraClash classification. Now that the time has arrived for us to buckle our chinstraps and load up the car to head up to the Bayou, let's look at that list and where each item stands as of today...

Both teams ranked in the Top 10...check. A night kickoff...check. College Gameday on site...check. SEC and National Title implications oozing from all orifices...check. Lots of hype and superlatives being thrown around such as, "The largest crowd to ever see a football game in the state of Louisiana is expected"...check. LSU comes in undefeated...check. Florida comes in undefeated...che-woops.

The Gators may have lost at Auburn this past weekend, but look at that list. Everything else that was on it before the season started still applies now despite the one loss. If anything, the Gators' loss might have made this game EVEN BIGGER. And I couldn't be more fired up. Do you hear me? I COULD NOT BE MORE FIRED UP. The Bee and I roll out of Gainesville Friday morning and expect to be on the Bayou by Friday evening (we will be attempting to "conduct relations" in each state we pass through on the way for the sake of one day crossing them all off). We'll be staying with some of The Bee's relatives in Houma. We'll spend Saturday afternoon in Baton Rouge seeing the town and campus, and Saturday night, we'll be two of the 93,000 plus on hand at Tiger Stadium for an event they say every college football fan should experience once - a night game at Tiger Stadium . As I am fond of saying, they're gonna be jam packed and jelly-tight for this one, with 93,000 Cajuns hopped up on bourbon, crawfish, and dreams of a national title, and if that doesn't get your fire going, there's a cold, dark mass in your chest where your heart is supposed to lie. Naturally, I will be wearing at least one article of UF clothing at all times during the trip.

They say there's nothing in sports quite like a big night game at Tiger Stadium. Well they don't get any bigger or more at night than this shit. There's nothing else that needs to be said. If anything more about this game needs to be explained to you, then you probably stopped reading two paragraphs ago.

Here we go.

Go Gators!

An Ode to Hockey

I have to admit that the buildup to the new NHL season this year was without the fanfare that past seasons have held. A crappy new Lightning logo, an arena sound experience that borders upon brutal, and two huge weekend football games would seemingly overshadow the opener tonight at the Ice Palace Forum in downtown Tampa.

Hockey's opening week has always fallen during football season, and things don't really get serious until after New Year's, sure. But you know what? It's still hockey. I still woke up this morning anticipating the game tonight, I've still been talking about it all day, and even with the Gators (along with me and The Chelsea Bee) about to head up to Baton Rouge for a huuuuuuuge game with LSU, for two and a half hours tonight, nothing else will matter, and it'll all come rushing back, and I'll realize why I became so enamored and fascinated with this game at Expo Hall on a January night in Tampa 15 years ago.

In years past, I have tried to extol the virtues of the most exciting sport in the world to anyone who would listen. Even as people would (sometimes gleefully) point out sagging television ratings for the game, or when idiots in the media made the same tired jokes about no one paying attention, it didn't matter to me. I've said this before - hockey is the ultimate heart sport. I think that goes not only for playing it, but for caring about it too. There are no casual hockey fans. You're either in or you're out. You have to want to be there, and you can't fake it. That's probably part of the reason we all love it so much. It's like our own little club.

To quote ESPN hockey writer John Buccigross, there are four main hockey values: heart, courage, mental toughness, and artistic expression. Some sports have two or three of those, but give me another sport that has all four. You can't do it. From my favorite sport of football, which lacks artistic expression, down to hobbies like ultimate frisbee, which has three of the four but requires no courage, not one sport has all four of those values woven into its fabric - except for hockey. So even as the "mainstream" sports world revolves all around us, never seemingly ready to stop even for a little while for hockey, I'm ready to set aside some time each week for odd man rushes...the sound of a puck hitting the crossbar...slapshots from the point, deflections off a body in front, battles in the corner, and power play goals. You've got to love power play goals.

In short, I'm ready for hockey, and if you are too, then stick with me and I'll stick with you. And you and me and the most exciting game in the world are all we're really going to need.

Friday Pre-Game

It was a huge Thursday last night, with The Office and Grey's Anatomy both offering up their season premiers. I have yet to watch either of them, but with my trusty DVR being one of the few frills at the otherwise spartan One Gameday Place in South Tampa, I will be afforded that luxury at my own leisure. It might not come until Monday though, because we are looking at a Big Boy Weekend:

- Tonight, West Virginia at South Florida, 8:00, RJS in Tampa- The South Florida Bulls have sold out Raymond James for the first time ever, a testament if there ever was one to the bandwagon nature of fans. USF is a good team, and this game deserves the hype, don't get me wrong. But if USF loses, will there be another 65,000 ready to go for UCF in the next home game? Neigh, sir. And that's bullshit. I will attempt to go to this game because I think it will be fun, but I will not pay more than $25 for a ticket outside. I don't fucking care. It's not like it's an SEC game or something.

-Saturday night, Florida vs. Auburn, 8:00, The Swamp in Gainesville - Now we're fucking talking. Me and The Bee will be two of 90,000 in full throat as Florida tries to jump its final hurdle before heading to Baton Rouge next weekend. A win here ensures that the LSU game will indeed be the Megasupercolossalgigantic UltraClash that we have been looking forward to all year. People talk about revenge because of what happened last year. I guess. But winning this game is important because it's another step. Who gives a fuck about Auburn this year? As long as you don't lose to them, the answer is nobody.

-Sunday Afternoon, Bucs at Panthers, 4:05, The Chelsea Bee's apartment in Gainesville - I host a sports talk radio show, and I still really don't know what to say about the Bucs right now. Two home wins over teams that are a combined 0-6. A road loss to the only decent team they've seen. And yet they look really, REALLY good so far. We'll know a lot more on Sunday evening.

Happy Weekend, everybody!

So you like the new (Sting)rays uniforms?

So you like the new uniforms for your Tampa Bay (Sting)Rays? I value your opinion, fair-minded observer. Allow us to discuss.

What is your favorite part? Is it how we went from one of baseball's unique color schemes to the color navy blue, which 15 other teams have? Is it how you now can barely tell the difference between us, the Mariners, or the Padres from a distance? Did you like the font, which is essentially Times New Roman, and looks like someone actually typed it on the fucking jersey, only using the "R" from Ryan's Steak House, and in letters that are waaaaaaaaaay too big?

Did you like the cute little sunbeam they threw in there? Yes there is still a stigray on the sleeve, but the Rays themsleves seemed confused at what they are trying to be (it should be the stingray). Do you like the "logo", which is not really a logo so much as the word "Rays" in its pathetically generic typefont with an even more generic baseball diamond in the background? At least no other teams have thought of that.

There's a difference between simple and boring. The Detroit Tigers have simple uniforms, and they are gorgeous. The Yankees, Cubs, Red Sox, Braves, and countless other teams from other sports like the Packers or Chicago Blackhawks have simple uniforms that are classically elegant, nice to look at, and stand the test of time because they're built to last. The (Sting)Rays uniforms may not end up being hideous, but one other thing they won't be is a trademark, because they'll look like about 15 other teams.

And last but not least, did you like how both the home and road uniforms are the same? Do know what difference all those other aforementioned baseball teams have between their home and road uni's? THE NAME OF THEIR FUCKING CITY ON THE ROAD UNIFORMS. The (Sting)Rays apparently didn't see fit for the area to be represented on the road. They thought it was more important to keep pushing the most bland, insipid, and uninspiring nickname in all of professional sports on us for 162 games a year, essentially trying to disconnect the franchise from its home location with the demented notion that the words "Tampa Bay" on the uniform might discourage the extra 15 people they are trying to attract from Orlando and Sarasota and wherever the hell else they think people actually care. Your fans are in TAMPA BAY, and they will support this team if given a reason to get excited. The 99% of those fans that are actually here in the Tampa Bay area and identify with that local pride? Well, fuck 'em, according to the (Sting)Rays.

These uniforms are a colossal airball on the part of the franchise in every possible way. The words "transcendant embarrassment" keep coming to mind, and it's not the first time for a franchise that has developed a reputation as a national joke, mainly because the people in charge are capable of doing things like spending two years and hundreds of thousands of dollars in order to come up with something that could've been thrown together in about 15 minutes, but would take only about another 10 minutes to be bettered. Stop and think about that for a second. It took them two years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, and at the end of it all, they produced this and this.

I am so pissed off right now, and yet the most frustrating part is that I knew, KNEW, they would fuck this up, and then I was only still to be shocked that even my own low expectations were submarined to depths even I found surprising.

So you liked the new uniforms? I was just checking.

Gameday's Little Rules of Life

From time to time, I will publish a few of my Little Rules of Life. The list is long and extensive, but every now and then, I'll just throw a handful of them up here on the website as they come to me. It is important to note that these are not superstisions. They are Little Rules of Life. Some have concrete explanations. Some do not. But I follow them all almost as a matter of pure instinct, and I can't always explain why. A random sampling:

- Never take the top newspaper out of a newspaper machine. Always slide your hand below it and grab the second one from the top. The exception to this is if there are only two papers left. NEVER take the bottom paper in the pile.

- When making a toothbrush change, always make said change on a weekend, Friday, or holiday. NEVER change toothbrushes on a regular weekeday.

- An addendum to the above rule - always show proper respect to the outgoing toothbrush. Don't just replace it. Put the new toothbrush in with the outgoing one for a day or so while still brushing with the outgoing one. The ceremonial "final brush" should be akin to the changing of the guard at Arlington National Cemetery.

- After doing dishes, always place the newly cleaned dishes UNDER dishes of the same type in the cabinet. If you keep putting the newly cleaned plates on top of the ones already stacked in the cabinet, you'll keep using the same 3 or 4 plates while the ones on the bottom will never see the field. Playing time is important to dishes. Spread it around and make sure they all get some quality minutes periodically.

- There are certain times in life when a person simply has to be on their feet. NEVER be sitting down at the following times:

At midnight on New Year's Eve
During the Kentucky Derby
When any big game involving one of your favorite teams is on the line (this applies whether you are at the game or not)
During a Florida game at The Swamp if the score is within four touchdowns or anytime during the first three quarters
On Opening Day, during the first pitch of the season for your favorite baseball team
During a hockey fight or baseball brawl
When you are all-in with your cards turned up while playing Hold 'em
With two outs, not two strikes, at a baseball game with the home team leading in the 9th
When any one of your friends or family is involved in a dispute of any kind, verbal or non-verbal, unless it's with another one of your friends or family

It's not always going to be this way

It was bound to happen where a situation arose, and I wouldn't update the website for a little while. It HAPPENS. But don't think for one second that the new-look Fentonia is going to go the way of the old Yahoo! site, gathering dust and rotting away in a shroud of ambivalence. I had a little hiccup there, is all.

I'm coming right back at you on a Tuesday afternoon as excited as ever. A lot happened in the 30 or so days since my last update. There was a Chicago trip, a stirring five days of radio with Fordy that is hopefully a portent of things to come. I also babysat Chelsea's dog Sierra for a week straight without Sierra laying down a hot shit anywhere in my apartment.

Most importantly, though, we got thirty days closer to football. There are games TWO FUCKING DAYS FROM RIGHT NOW, folks. The Gators open things up with a glorified scrimmage against Western Kentucky on Saturday, and the Bucs aren't far off, opening next Sunday.

I actually don't have much for you today, but this was one of those times where I wanted to put something up for the sake of putting something up. I don't do that too often, but we needed to get the ball back rolling. I will be posting throughout the week, including live from Gainesville for Opening Weekend in Division One Football. The Gators not withstanding, I may just about fucking explode on Saturday with the lineup of games on tap, starting with a bright and early, biscuits and gravy tailgate with the General and Co. at Maggie Novy's 2nd Ave. home in Gainesville, then on to the Swamp for the 12:30 kickoff, and going all the way through Tennessee and Cal, which should end close to midnight eastern Saturday night. That's twelve consecutive hours of Division One Football - and we don't want it...ANY...OTHER...WAY!

Weekend Blowback - I will now let, and I stress LET, Red Sox Nation Blow Me

I spent Friday night and all of Saturday in Gainesville with The Chelsea Bee. Bless her heart, she has made the I-75 trudge down to Tampa for something around 37 consecutive weekends, so the least I could do was mix in a trip back up there. Of course, once football season rolls around, I'll be up there all the time. Anyway, her dog Sierra had six seperate episodes of diarrhea, all in the apartment, in the 24 hours leading up to my visit. I suggested that The Bee simply move to a new place by the time I got there Friday night, but she's the type that likes to plan ahead and the notice was too short, so I lowered my head and plowed through what I thought would be a weekend's worth of knee-deep shit. Luckily, The Bee had the place sparkling by the time I got there. I felt bad for her, since if it had been me, I would've simply put sheets of vomit on top of the already soiled carpet. I don't do shit, in more ways than one.



It turns out the it was the Tropicana Dome where I would have to wade through shit, because on Sunday I got back to town and hit the Devil Rays-Red Sox game at the Trop with Drew and Poppy. What a bunch of fucking turds these Red Sox fans are. Growing up in Tampa as a native, you become inured at a young age to all of the people around town who are from another place. It doesn't bother you normally. In fact, we NEED these people. They are repsonsible for the explosive growth of my fair hometown that I hold so dear. But it does bother you in one particular setting - sporting events in town where the home team is terrible. In a sold-out crowd of 35,000 at this game, I would estimate 20-22,000 were Red Sox fans. Of those 22,000, I would say 75% fell into the category of "Massholes", as they have come to be known. I fucking hate Boston accents and basically their whole culture, which is based apparently on leaving their beloved hometown to live in ours while simultaneously singing the praises of almighty Boston. This describes the culture of a lot of other cities, come to think of it. Well, fuck Boston. And fuck these people:

Massholes

Do you see? Do you see what has to be put up with? Imagine 20,000 of these parasites at a game in which YOUR team is supposed to be the home team. I blame the Devil Rays entirely, for managing to swallow inch after inch of cock year after year. If they weren't as categorically atrocious as they are, the situation wouldn't be this depressing. The Bucs are proof that this can be turned around. It used to happen to them all the time too.

The Devil Rays won 5-2, but lost two out of three in the series.

Comments are for the Meeting House

I toyed with putting a "comments" feature on the site which would allow for "comments" at the bottom of each individual post. I even threw it up there to see how it would look. Upon further review, these "comments" are the exact reason the Fentonian Meeting House Bulletin Board exists (that link is permanently on the left side of the site right below the photo). To add a seperate feature for "comments" would detract from the spirit of the Meeting House. No special feature for "comments" then.

Fuck it. I'm ready for college football.

Buccaneer training camp opens tomorrow with a morning/afternoon two-a-day session at Disney's Wide World of Sports. I'll be broadcasting my evening show on 1010 live from camp two or three times a week for the next three weeks. I don't like training camp, nor does anybody else, player or member of the media. Anyway, while I am fired up for the Bucs and the NFL to return, there is one thing, and ONLY one thing, that gets me even more excited than that. We're talking more excited than a rabbit with three dicks. What, pray tell, is that, you might ask? To quote Colorado head coach Dan Hawkins:

"IT'S DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL!!!"

Now, there is still a lot of time to go until September 1 when the Gators take the field against Western Kentucky (that, alas, will be Division one and a half football, becuase the Hilltoppers are in their final year of I-AA this season). Nevertheless, the bug has not only bitten me, but burrowed under my skin and layed eggs early this year. ESPN is already airing daily episodes of College Footall Live, and I have already started checking the Gainesville Sun website and various other online outlets of information for anything can find on Gator and college football in general.

Goddamnit I'm exctied.

It's Fordy's Day

Congrats to my buddy Anthony Fordyce (Fordy), who is getting married today. I am going to the wedding later on, meaning I will be wearing a suit and tie today for only the thrid time in the past two and a half years or so. I always have to hand it to a guy who has the confidence to put his balls out on the table and get married to the right woman at the right time, especially when it's a guy of Fordy's virility. What a stud. I mean, that's how it's supposed to work, right? His bride Anne is a lovely young lady, and often comes to our softball games, which demonstrates an exemplary level of dedication.

Other Saturday notes:

- HFB to my cousin Natalie, who's 24 today.

- From the hard to believe until you think about it stat file: According to Rays Index (raysindex.blogspot.com), a Devil Rays blog that I read semi-daily, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have the highest regular season winning percentage of Tampa's three major professional sports teams, besting to this point the Bucs and Lightning. Think about it for a second.

- From the not hard to believe at all stat file: The Devil Rays turned a 2-2 game in the 6th inning at Yankee Stadium into a 7-3 loss. They'll try for a double header split tonight when the two teams meet again at 7:05. The cursory bullpen bed-shitting in the matinee was compliments of Jae Kuk Ryu, who gave up five runs in the 6th, all with two outs. Before being picked up by the Devil Rays, Ryu was most famous for intentionally throwing a baseball at a bird while in the minor leagues, killing it. So Ryu is not only a piece of shit on the field, but off of it as well.

- Exactly six weeks and 26 minutes from right now as I type, the 2007 Florida Gators will take the field at The Swamp to play the season opener vs. Western Kentucky. Saturday's in the fall are the times when it is strangely exciting to announce the names of colors in a loud tenor, only to have others off in the distance respond by yelling out another, different color. ORANGE....

Clarification on the evening show

The evening show for the time being is starting closer to 6:15 than 6:00. Mike and the Mad Dog before me always go another segment past 6:00. Once Bucs training camp starts, I'm told that I'll be going straight up 6 to 7pm. For the time being, if you tune in at 6:00 and you hear a couple of guys with thick Long Island accents, now you'll know why.

Bobby Gameday to appear weekdays 6-7 pm on 1010

As many of you know, I left my old radio station back in May, and for the last few weeks have been doing some fill-in stuff on 1010 Sports The Beast, WQYK-AM. Well, starting yesterday, I am on each and every weekday in the hour of 6-7 pm. I'm doing what amounts to an evening warmup show for whatever events are taking place in sports on that particular night, but I'll also take calls and do a lot of opinion stuff, interviews, all the same things you were used to from back in the 1470 days. Should be a lot of fun, and I am grateful to the people at 1010 for giving me the opportunity. If you want to learn more, check out the station website, 1010sportsonline.com

As of right now, the show is called "The Sports Desk with Bobby Fenton". If you know me, you already deduced that this title came directly from upstairs, and that it wasn't my idea. I wanted to go with the traditional "Free Stretch with Bobby Fenton". Drew even suggested "Local Programming with Bobby Fenton", which I found hilarious. I am working on this.

New Lightning Logo?

We have known for a litttle while now that the Tampa Bay Lightning have been planning a slight logo tweak to coincide with the NHL's leaguewide release of the new, sleeker, Reebok designed uniforms this season. The team colours and basic design of the uniforms is to stay the same, which is good. I like our colours.The change is supposedly just a little bit of a twist on the logo, or so we're told. Well...

As many of you know, I care a great deal about sports uniforms and colours. I think they are of vast importance, are the foundation of the identity of a team or school, and don't get enough attention paid to them by most people. There are, however, others like me, which is how I know about a uni-dedicated website called uniwatchblog.com. It's one of my favorites, and its author, Paul Lukas, also does a bi-weekly column on espn.com. Anyway, the Lightning are scheduled to unveil their new stuff at "Ice Fest" in August. But Uni Watch claims to have its hands on the new look logo already, and posted the design yesterday. If, and I STRESS IF, this is correct, the new look Tampa Bay Lightning...


...will look like this.


I have to say, I really, REALLY hope this is all just a mistake, and that the new marks are something else. As of right now, this is all preliminary, and it's certainly possible that bad intelligence is to blame and that this won't be the design after all. But if it is....my god.

I really don't know where to start here. This is supposed to be a simple change. If anything, they should have just taken the word "Lightning" out of the old logo and left everything else the same, or even if they wanted to tweak the letter font for "Tampa Bay", fine, but not to this. I really dislike the lightning bolt on this new one, too, much too pointy and the way it's half white and half blue just doesn't work. And the state of Florida on the secondary logo is waaaaaaaay too jagged looking. It wasn't that way in the old one and I don't know why it needs to be changed. The state doesn't look like that at all. And the proposed lettering font with the big serifs, espeically the one on the "B" in "Bay", I mean, I'm speechless. This has to be a mistake, right?

Well, it very possibly could be. Upon seeing these mock-ups, I immediately contacted my guy with the Lightning, who will remain nameless here. Let it suffice to say that he is as dependable and trustworthy as can be, and wouldn't jerk me around. He said that he is not allowed to talk about the new logo, which I respect. But when I e-mailed him back with a diatribe on how bad I think this proposed one looks, he simply replied back:

"You are assuming pretty strongly that these are actually the new marks."

I didn't press him any further. I don't know about you, but it sounds like a glimmer of hope still exists to me. At least for now, it's all we have. We'll see in August.

Bats Silenced As Gens Lose Championship, 5-4

The Hillsborough Generals put the tying run on second and the winning run on first with one out in the bottom of the last inning of last nights division championship game vs. the T-Bags, but were unable to convert in a gut-wrenching 5-4 loss.

"This is the kind of loss that will leave you talking to yourself," said LF Bobby Fenton. "I will go to bed tonight, and I will wake up tomorrow morning, all with absolutely no idea how we lost that game."

The Generals uncharacteristically had trouble scoring runs all evening, and went into the bottom of the last down 5-2. After a ground ball out to lead off the inning, the Gens were able to get one run across and load the bases with one out and the score 5-3. Their one-two hitters, Fenton and Matt Fisherman, were next up, and a hit by either one would have at least tied the game.

"Things looked good," said catcher Artie Fordyce. "I would take us in that situation with those guys coming up ten times out of ten."

Fenton laced the first pitch into the left centerfield gap, but the ball hung for just an instant and allowed the T-Bags centerfielder to run it down. A tag up run came across to make it 5-4, and that left the table still set for Fisherman.

"I honestly thought I had won the game right there," said Fenton. "I thought it was in the gap to clear the bases, but that little [expletive deleted] ran it down. Give him credit."

Fisherman, one of the best General hitters throughout his career, flew out to right field to end both teams's seasons. He left abruptly after the game without speaking to the media.

The rest of the Generals lingered in the players parking lot afterwards, drinking beer out of the trunks of their cars and pondering how they let slip away a game against a team they had beaten twice and slaughtered once in the regular season.

"We were missing some guys, sure," said 2B Anthony Fordyce. "Buck, Scotty B, Swope, DeLessio, but we had the lineup to win this ballgame tonight."

Some were more heated than others after the game.

RF Bob Haught fell int that category, saying, "The T-Bags were what we thought they were, okay? They had an okay defense. We saw them twice in the regular season and blew them out. They were what we thought they were. And if you wanna crown their ass, then go ahead and crown their ass. But THEY WERE WHAT WE THOUGHT THEY WERE, ALRIGHT? And we let them off the hook!"

The Generals will regroup for a week before playing in the first round of the Hillsborough County Tournament of Champions next Wednesday at 7:00. The Generals have already qualified for that tournament by virtue of their 10-0 record and division title last season.

Are You Ready? Second Title "There For The Taking" For Generals

Fentonia's softball team, the Hillsborough Generals, will be part of a three-way playoff to determine the City of Tampa Men's League Escambia Division Championship tonight at 7:00 at the Greco Softball Complex near USF.

After going 10-0 last season for a runaway division title, their first ever, the Gens came back from a 1-3 start to finish 7-3, tied atop the division with the T-Bags and the Big Dawgs. All three teams will convene at 7:00 tonight, with a series of coinflips determining which team gets a bye into the title game. The other two teams will play a semifinal playoff, with the winner of that also advancing to the title game. During the regular season, the Generals split with the Big Dawgs and swept two games from the T-Bags.

The Gens will be without team captain Buck, as well as Scotty B, Mike Delessio, and Swope. While these losses hurt, I will serve as acting manager tonight, and go with this lineup for both possible games:

1) Bobby Fenton LF
2) Matt Fisherman LC
3) Bob Haught RF
4) Dave Mangione P
5) Troy Howell RC
6) Artie Fordyce C
7) Jason Gordon 3B
8) Harv Fisherman SS
9) Chris Weis 1B
10) Anthony Fordyce 2B

It doesn't get any better than this.

Bright House Atones

First of all, HFB 54 to my Dad, Robby Fenton. When you're a kid, you think your Dad is a total god. You could be about to walk into a haunted house, with bodies sprawled all over the front porch, and as long as you're with your Dad, you'll walk right in, because next to him is the safest place in the world. Then when you get a little older, some of that adolescent teen angst can bring you over to the other end of the spectrum, and you think your Dad's a schmuck. Then, when you start to grow into an adult yourself, you realize your Dad is a regular guy. Well, I love mine. HFB, Dad.

The Bright House guy came out to One Gameday Place yesterday and switched out my cable box after I experienced the blacking out of certain channels with the old box. When we tested the new box, the exact same channels didn't work, flummoxing the Bright House guy. He then determined that my outside signal was the problem, so another guy is coming out to fix that in the next day or so. Whatever, I'm not pissed off about any of this. The point is that Bright House was very responsive to my call for service, and satellite television still eats shit.

Linda Turner is a force of nature

When I went to Europe back in July-August of 2001, I traveled alone. I spent a few days in London, one day in Paris, and I visited my buddy Ryan, who was doing a summer abroad studying in Cambridge, just north of London. It was with Ryan and another guy from the program, Matt Bernstein, that I took the train to Edinburgh, Scotland. Edinburgh is one of the cooler, underrated cities you don't hear that much about, and we had a phenomenal time there.

Anyway, we set aside one day to head out of the city and see some of the surrounding areas of Scotland. Ryan and Bernstein went to Stirling to see the sword of the original Braveheart William Wallace or something. Being the sports nut that I am, and always having to incorporate sports in some way into every trip I take, I passed on Stirling and set out north alone for the most historic piece of real estate in all of golf - Saint Andrew's. How could I be in Scotland and not end up there?

I got lucky in that I visited on a Sunday. Aside from when the Open Championship is held there every five years, no golf is played on the Old Course on Sundays. It's closed. This actually worked out perfectly for me, because it allowed me the chance to walk the entire course, look around, and take my sweet old time soaking up all of the history the place has to offer. I was literally shaking as I stood on the first tee and set out. I'm not kidding - it was that awesome.

I knew my life would change forever that day, and before that entire trip, because of the experience. Little did I know that it would change for another reason, one arguably even more profound, and one that I would be reminded of every..single...day from there on after.

I met Linda Turner out on the course.

Her and her husband Larry, both from Fort Worth, were taking in the course and the town just like I was. We started talking and ended up walking the course together. Since I was alone, they were even nice enough to take pictures of me with my camera. I gave her my e-mail address so that she could send me more pictures and so we could stay in touch. I want to stress that these were and are extremely nice people.

Linda Turner is deeply religious.

Linda Turner is a serial e-mailer.

Linda Turner is a part of my day every time I get in front of a computer.

Mind you that I am not complaining, nor making fun of her, so much as I am in awe of her. This woman keeps all of her friends on her mailing list and e-mails EVERYONE ON THE ENTIRE LIST EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even a guy like me whom she's met only once and wouldn't recognize if I broke down her door and started rooting through her fridge or something.

I want you to see a sample of some of her work. Mind you, something like the following (unedited) samples appears in my inbox 5 to 6 days a week...


From: Linda Turner
To:
Subject: have you read?
Date: Sat, 07 Jul 2007 02:08:26 +0000


Have you read the forecast? It says the rains are leaving Texas. Of course you know that means, it's mosquito time. I am sure all of you know all the things to do to help get rid of them, but if you do not, write and I will tell you. It is certaintly a relief to know it is only the females who suck blood. Enjoy the hot weather - the pool is open and it's OK to wear whatever you want because no one looks or cares about how old people look (and almost everyone I know is old). Whatever the weather enjoy it - it is a gift from God! Have a great weekend!


Another sampling...


From: Linda Turner
To:
Subject: motivation
Date: Wed, 11 Jul 2007 01:36:34 +0000

What does it take to motivate us? I think it is desire. If I want something I go for it, how about you. I wanted to bake a cake and 2 pies today so I did. I would like to want a cleaner house, but I guess I don't want it enough to clean it.

Have you heard about the Dallas weather people who have been talking about the Kingdom Possum Lake and Jose T. Garcia's?


I want to reiterate, this is an extremely nice woman who I am not making fun of. It's just that I get something of this nature ALMOST EVERY DAY, and have for years. I do not know this woman, but I think about her every time I check my e-mail.

Linda Turner is a force of nature.

Barbara's Bakery made me believe in cereal - and heroes - again

First of all, HFB United States, and happy Independence Day to everyone.

I have been eating multiple bowls of cereal a day ever since I was learning how to tie my shoes. In my life, I would say the number one staple of my diet, edging out pasta and various meats, is the bowl of cereal. And it's not just breakfast. I enjoy a bowl of cereal as a snack. I enjoy a bowl of cereal after a meal. If the meal is taking too long to prepare and I am hungry, I enjoy a bowl of cereal before a meal too. And I always, ALWAYS enjoy a bowl of cereal or two as the last thing I do before bedding down for the night. Cereal is stitched into the fabric of my being.

That's why the past year or so has been difficult when it comes to cereal. Put simply, I haven't gotten excited about cereal. Everytime I go to Publix, I miss that feeling. You know the feeling I'm talking about. It's the adrenaline rush of hitting the cereal aisle. And it's not only that, but it's that anticipation I always get during the first few aisles of a comprhensive shop, that little hop in your step you get when you know you're only a couple of aisles away. At Publix, I work right to left assuming your back is to the front door. I snake up and down each aisle, then I reverse field and do a perimeter sweep of the outside to finish up. I like to do this because you always want to get the cold stuff last so it doesn't sit in your cart during the shop. My mother Jeanette taught me this scheme.

Anyway, it used to be that a few aisles before the cereal, I would already start thinking about it, looking forward to it. Wanting to get there. When I finally did get there, picking out three or four boxes for the next couple of weeks was the highlight of the shopping experience. Somewhere along the way though, the industry got stale, to intentionally use a pun. Nothing new was coming out. Nothing cutting edge, like Sunrise, was making it. Nothing out there gave me a reason to get fired up about cereal. I was in the doldrums. I was in hell.

Enter the organic aisle at Publix, where, tucked away off in the corner of the store, is now located a whole new selection of cereals. I have just delved into this whole grain playground, but it took only two boxes of cereal to declare myself completely rejuvenated. "Barbara's Bakery" has one called "Puffins", which I get the peanut butter flavor of, and another one that is similar to cocoa puffs except that it is actually under 9,000 cc's of sugar per cubic millimeter, and (and this is the best part), IT GETS SOFT IN MILK.

Nothing pisses me off more than when cereal stays crunchy in milk. Why would I spend money on cereal that stays crunchy when I can just go pour some milk over some thumbtacks? And these idiot commericals brag about cereal that stays crunchy as if it's a good thing. Fucking terrible.

Anyway, pick out some cereals made by Barbara's Bakery. The boxes are blue, and the cereal is awesome.

The Fentonian New Year and Weekend Blowback

The Fentonian New Year officially began at 11:09 pm on Saturday night. While the official calendar of Fentonia is the same one used by the rest of the modern world, the F.R.F. (Fentonians' Republic of Fentonia) also follows a calendar whose origin is based on the day and time I was born, 11:09 pm on June 30, 1980. Therefore, this past weekend saw us flip the calendar to Year 28 (similar to the many misguided millenium arguments that went on a few years ago, it is important to remember that even though I turned 27 on Saturday, this is actually the beginning of Year 28, because THERE IS NO YEAR ZERO).

Anyway, it was a solid weekend all around, although I do miss The Chelsea Bee, who is in Costa Rica for a family wedding. There was a beach party thrown by Kevin Byrne at Reddington Shores on Saturday. I went along with Laffer, Thomas, Brock Goose and Mike Murray. Predictably, the day devolved into a festival of ogling scantily clad tail along with watching and analyzing other guys' attempts to secure said tail. Most of the guys in our group are in relationships, but not Laflin, so we made it a collective effort to help his cause. Real band of brothers type of shit, you know? The pickings were slim, though, and none of the females at the gathering really merited the kind of balls to the wall, stop-at-nothing, grind-it-out effort that Laffer, like most guys, is capable of when the girl in question is a real lottery pick.

Laffer did seemingly have a little something going with a dirty blonde (dirty as in her hair color, although she may well have been truly dirty to boot) in a polka dot bikini, even securing side by side seating with her in the gigantic 10-person tube we had floating out in the water. We did some recon on this chick while the others were in the tube playing grab-ass, only to learn that she had a kid. We all agreed there was nothing wrong with this and that Laflin should proceed with the mission.

The revelation of this chick's motherhood even prompted Thomas to deliver the line of the day. When someone said she had a kid, we all kind of looked at each other quietly as a beat passed, but then Thomas deadpanned, "At least we know she fucks."

You really had to be there to get a full sense of just how concisely on the money the statement was. I mean, he summed it all up right there.

Alas, the chick ended up flaking out, complaining of "seasickness" while sitting next to Laffer on the tube, thanks to the half-foot ripples on the Lake of Mexico. She got out, and that was that. We left without incident. The drive back, by the way, was very little highway driving, meaning we "got down in the shit" driving through Inner Pinellas. You really don't realize what a godforsaken shithole Pinellas County is until you actually get down on the surface streets, which I rarely do, and won't again any day soon.

I had a nice dinner at Iavarone's later that night with my Mom, George, both grandma's and George's grandson Justin and his teammate Mike. Justin and Mike are both in instructional league baseball in Dunedin as recent draftees of the Toronto Blue Jays. It was nice to be with the family, although Iavarone's turned out to be overrated. My center cut sirloin was tough and a little dry. Plus the Devil Rays lost their sixth in a row.

More later.

Generals force one game playoff - Fenton pulls hamstring

I have to say that for as many softball teams as I've played on starting back in college, I have never had what I would call the privilege that I have had to play on this team for the past year or so. Does winning the games we play make a big difference? Naturally. But it's more than that. The team is a brotherhood. I love that. I know it's only softball, and I don't care if it sounds corny, but things are a lot more fun, and you're a lot more successful, if you look at the guy to your left, or at the guy to your right, and you know him, and you trust him, and he's one of your boys. That's why the past two seasons of Hillsborough Generals softball have been so much fun.

The Gens won their 6th straight last night, 7-3 over the T-Bags, to finish up the regular season at 7-3 after a 1-3 start. Going back to spring's undefeated season, the Gens are 17-3 in their last 20. The win leaves the Generals and T-Bags tied atop the divison and forces...cue the goosebumps...a one game playoff for the division title.

Other than Game 7's, there really aren't too many things in sports cooler than the one game playoff. I mean, what else needs to be said? It's one game for the whole barrel of ale. What could be better than that?

The player of the game was Fish, whose running catch that brought him careening into the chain-link fence in left center field was one of the best you'll ever see, at any level, period. Anybody can make a diving catch. It's hard to do, but there's no level of fear involved. Fish's catch, though, and his refusal to slow up near the fence, took hard core balls. Scotty B also deserves mention for taking a shutout, in a softball game, into the final inning.

I also pulled my hamstring in that final inning running in on a shallow pop up. The hammy is receiving daily treatment, including me sleeping in tight spandex leggings to help with compression. Yes, I said tight spandex leggings. I didn't have an ace bandage, so to keep the hammy tight overnight I pulled out a pair of shiny blue spandex leggings that I wore for cold games as a football player at Jesuit ten years ago. I had never actually worn them alone until last night. I pretty much look like the late, great WWF legend Ravishing Rick Rude in them, minus an airbrushed image of my own face on the ass, like Rude used to have. That guy was the best.

My loyalty to Bright House yields little

Ever since the advent of digital cable, I have been talking about how great it is. I have been a loyal subscriber. Hell, I have given Bright House tons of free advertising. I've talked about them on the air a million times. Not only that, but I have berated their competition, just lashed them with the figurative wet noodle that is my tongue. Satellite television is an absolute abomination. The channels are weird, the signal sucks, there is a ridiculous programming delay, which is awful for live sporting events when you're trying to watch it and talk on the phone to a buddy who is also watching it, because when you scream because a Buccaneer pass has just been batted into the air, your buddy on the other end has already watched said pass get picked off by an opposing linebacker and taken back 57 yards for a touchdown. He's already over it, and you're still there screaming like an idiot.

People who constantly defend satellite television remind me of the people who live out in the middle of nowhere, places like Riverview or Northdale or wherever, and always talk about how "it's really not that far" and how "they have everything they need". They've talked themsleves into this myth, and now they're trying to convert you. Well, I'll take my shitbox apartment in South Tampa that's close to everything over a much nicer place in Bumblefuck Bay Area every single time. The same is true for satellite. It's just indefensible.

Oh, and the satellite signal gets dicey when it rains, which usually isn't a problem in West Central Florida anyway I suppose. John Kasay is lining up a 47-yard field goal that would beat the Bucs, and here's the snap, AND......buffering.....buffering......buffering....that's pretty much the satellite experince. Fuck the dish.

Anyway, after all of my loyalty to Bright House, what happens? Random channels on my cable simply don't work. They're just black. Naturally, one of these channels is the one the Devil Rays play on over half the time. After calling Bright House and attempting to fix it, I was told I would have to swap out cable boxes, meaning that I will lose everything saved on my DVR. That's right, all three of the Gator National Title wins that I recorded, all six Triple Crown races from this and last year, and even a little bit of soft porn I had saved on there for a rainy day (or a day with sunshine) - all gone. I have to borrow my Mom's DVD/VCR recorder and download the stuff off the box just to save it before I can switch out to a new cable box and be able to watch the fucking Devil Rays blow more 8-2 leads in the final three innings.

Tighten up, Bright House.

Enough Pussies

You were taken aback for a second there, weren't you? You thought that I was asserting that I had gotten my fill of the female form and just didn't want any part of it anymore. Good try.

I'm talking about a real American issue, and that is people who act like total pussies. I got an e-mail from a friend yesterday, and attached to it was a picture of a kid on one of those Hot Wheels three-wheelers you have when you're like 4. The ones with the tassles coming out of the handlebars, right? And this kid in the picture is on this thing, no more than maybe three inches off the ground, and he is decked out in a bicycle helmet, knee pads, and elbow pads. On a fucking three wheeler. (I will post the picture as soon as I find it.)

Now, I hardly want to blame the kid. It's not his fault his parents are treating him like a total pussy. But that's just it. It's his parents. DOESN'T ANYBODY SEE WE ARE RAISING A GENERATION OF TOTAL PUSSIES?

Where along the way did America go wrong? Growing up, I can honestly say that I never once donned a single piece of protective equipment outside of things within the confines of organized sports like PONY League baseball. Never wore anything protective to ride my bike, play street hockey, or tackle football in the yard. Most people my age probably have the same recollection. And I'm telling you right now, not only will I not make my kids wear anyhting of the sort, but I will prohibit them from doing so. You fall off the bike, you suck it up, and you ride.

No equipment for my kids on the bike, much less a FUCKING THREE WHEELER. America is raising a generation of total pussies. And not just in the physical sense either. We are raising emotional pussies too, with all of this political correctness and other things of that ilk. It's the pussification of America. I used to talk about it all the time on the afternoon show when things like the Imus deal would come up. That story disgusted me. Who gives a shit if some guy calls you a ho, Rutgers women? Instead of saying that they hadn't noticed or didn't care or maybe actually letting something bounce off you and moving forward, they held a press conference and had meetings and played the role of "victim". They were victims - of being pussies.

When I think of the Rutgers women's basketball thing and of all of the people who acted so "outraged", I am compelled to quote Col. Nathan R. Jessup - "All you did was weaken a country today. That's ALL YOU DID."

Do you realize they are banning tag and other so called "chase games" at some schools now because of the "agression" involved and the potential for injury? Unfuckingbelieveable. These people in charge are total pussies, and I'll be damned if it's going to rub off on my kids, boy or girl. Our only way to fight back is to raise our own kids stronger. That's what Jeanette and Robby Fenton did with their only son, and look how that turned out. In fact, if you Google my name, "Bobby Fenton", and click on "Images", one of the resulting hits is this picture:


Go ahead. Try it if you don't believe me. I already know it's there because I Google Imaged myself. That's Malibu from American Gladiators, and it's not a coincidence. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Bobby Gameday humbly gives himself back to Fentonia

1:32 am - New address. New look. Same heart. I'm not going to waste your time, because you've heard it before. But this time, it's for real. Fentonia is back, and it's time to get your happy little ass back in here, too.

Back when I first started this up, using a Yahoo! Geocities template, blogs were not as common as they are these days. It is no longer rare, unique, or catchy to have one. But if you know me, and you know this site, you know the point never has been to be catchy. And in contrast to most of the people with a blog, the purpose of Fentonia is not to "grow an audience" or "get noticed" or to "become culturally relevant" or any bullshit like that. This website exists and has always existed for one reason only, and that is to serve as a central meeting point for all of my friends, family, pets, and acquaintances...that is to say - Fentonians. I don't care about anything else.

With that in mind, you'll notice that while the physical look of the site is a bit sleeker and easier to read, the basis of the site is unchanged. The signature feature, and my favorite part of this website, is the Fentonian Meeting House Bulletin Board, and the link to it is right here as always. We are approaching our 500th post, and eventually 1000th post. Between the resurgence of Fentonia and college football season's imminent kickoff, we look to hit those milestones soon.

In short, Fentonia is back. I'll update it as it happens. Somtimes several posts in a few days, sometimes only once a week. Get used to making it a part of your day.