Ever since the advent of digital cable, I have been talking about how great it is. I have been a loyal subscriber. Hell, I have given Bright House tons of free advertising. I've talked about them on the air a million times. Not only that, but I have berated their competition, just lashed them with the figurative wet noodle that is my tongue. Satellite television is an absolute abomination. The channels are weird, the signal sucks, there is a ridiculous programming delay, which is awful for live sporting events when you're trying to watch it and talk on the phone to a buddy who is also watching it, because when you scream because a Buccaneer pass has just been batted into the air, your buddy on the other end has already watched said pass get picked off by an opposing linebacker and taken back 57 yards for a touchdown. He's already over it, and you're still there screaming like an idiot.
People who constantly defend satellite television remind me of the people who live out in the middle of nowhere, places like Riverview or Northdale or wherever, and always talk about how "it's really not that far" and how "they have everything they need". They've talked themsleves into this myth, and now they're trying to convert you. Well, I'll take my shitbox apartment in South Tampa that's close to everything over a much nicer place in Bumblefuck Bay Area every single time. The same is true for satellite. It's just indefensible.
Oh, and the satellite signal gets dicey when it rains, which usually isn't a problem in West Central Florida anyway I suppose. John Kasay is lining up a 47-yard field goal that would beat the Bucs, and here's the snap, AND......buffering.....buffering......buffering....that's pretty much the satellite experince. Fuck the dish.
Anyway, after all of my loyalty to Bright House, what happens? Random channels on my cable simply don't work. They're just black. Naturally, one of these channels is the one the Devil Rays play on over half the time. After calling Bright House and attempting to fix it, I was told I would have to swap out cable boxes, meaning that I will lose everything saved on my DVR. That's right, all three of the Gator National Title wins that I recorded, all six Triple Crown races from this and last year, and even a little bit of soft porn I had saved on there for a rainy day (or a day with sunshine) - all gone. I have to borrow my Mom's DVD/VCR recorder and download the stuff off the box just to save it before I can switch out to a new cable box and be able to watch the fucking Devil Rays blow more 8-2 leads in the final three innings.
Tighten up, Bright House.
