Friday, September 28, 2007

Friday Pre-Game

It was a huge Thursday last night, with The Office and Grey's Anatomy both offering up their season premiers. I have yet to watch either of them, but with my trusty DVR being one of the few frills at the otherwise spartan One Gameday Place in South Tampa, I will be afforded that luxury at my own leisure. It might not come until Monday though, because we are looking at a Big Boy Weekend:

- Tonight, West Virginia at South Florida, 8:00, RJS in Tampa- The South Florida Bulls have sold out Raymond James for the first time ever, a testament if there ever was one to the bandwagon nature of fans. USF is a good team, and this game deserves the hype, don't get me wrong. But if USF loses, will there be another 65,000 ready to go for UCF in the next home game? Neigh, sir. And that's bullshit. I will attempt to go to this game because I think it will be fun, but I will not pay more than $25 for a ticket outside. I don't fucking care. It's not like it's an SEC game or something.

-Saturday night, Florida vs. Auburn, 8:00, The Swamp in Gainesville - Now we're fucking talking. Me and The Bee will be two of 90,000 in full throat as Florida tries to jump its final hurdle before heading to Baton Rouge next weekend. A win here ensures that the LSU game will indeed be the Megasupercolossalgigantic UltraClash that we have been looking forward to all year. People talk about revenge because of what happened last year. I guess. But winning this game is important because it's another step. Who gives a fuck about Auburn this year? As long as you don't lose to them, the answer is nobody.

-Sunday Afternoon, Bucs at Panthers, 4:05, The Chelsea Bee's apartment in Gainesville - I host a sports talk radio show, and I still really don't know what to say about the Bucs right now. Two home wins over teams that are a combined 0-6. A road loss to the only decent team they've seen. And yet they look really, REALLY good so far. We'll know a lot more on Sunday evening.

Happy Weekend, everybody!

Friday, September 21, 2007

So you like the new (Sting)rays uniforms?

So you like the new uniforms for your Tampa Bay (Sting)Rays? I value your opinion, fair-minded observer. Allow us to discuss.

What is your favorite part? Is it how we went from one of baseball's unique color schemes to the color navy blue, which 15 other teams have? Is it how you now can barely tell the difference between us, the Mariners, or the Padres from a distance? Did you like the font, which is essentially Times New Roman, and looks like someone actually typed it on the fucking jersey, only using the "R" from Ryan's Steak House, and in letters that are waaaaaaaaaay too big?

Did you like the cute little sunbeam they threw in there? Yes there is still a stigray on the sleeve, but the Rays themsleves seemed confused at what they are trying to be (it should be the stingray). Do you like the "logo", which is not really a logo so much as the word "Rays" in its pathetically generic typefont with an even more generic baseball diamond in the background? At least no other teams have thought of that.

There's a difference between simple and boring. The Detroit Tigers have simple uniforms, and they are gorgeous. The Yankees, Cubs, Red Sox, Braves, and countless other teams from other sports like the Packers or Chicago Blackhawks have simple uniforms that are classically elegant, nice to look at, and stand the test of time because they're built to last. The (Sting)Rays uniforms may not end up being hideous, but one other thing they won't be is a trademark, because they'll look like about 15 other teams.

And last but not least, did you like how both the home and road uniforms are the same? Do know what difference all those other aforementioned baseball teams have between their home and road uni's? THE NAME OF THEIR FUCKING CITY ON THE ROAD UNIFORMS. The (Sting)Rays apparently didn't see fit for the area to be represented on the road. They thought it was more important to keep pushing the most bland, insipid, and uninspiring nickname in all of professional sports on us for 162 games a year, essentially trying to disconnect the franchise from its home location with the demented notion that the words "Tampa Bay" on the uniform might discourage the extra 15 people they are trying to attract from Orlando and Sarasota and wherever the hell else they think people actually care. Your fans are in TAMPA BAY, and they will support this team if given a reason to get excited. The 99% of those fans that are actually here in the Tampa Bay area and identify with that local pride? Well, fuck 'em, according to the (Sting)Rays.

These uniforms are a colossal airball on the part of the franchise in every possible way. The words "transcendant embarrassment" keep coming to mind, and it's not the first time for a franchise that has developed a reputation as a national joke, mainly because the people in charge are capable of doing things like spending two years and hundreds of thousands of dollars in order to come up with something that could've been thrown together in about 15 minutes, but would take only about another 10 minutes to be bettered. Stop and think about that for a second. It took them two years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, and at the end of it all, they produced this and this.

I am so pissed off right now, and yet the most frustrating part is that I knew, KNEW, they would fuck this up, and then I was only still to be shocked that even my own low expectations were submarined to depths even I found surprising.

So you liked the new uniforms? I was just checking.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Gameday's Little Rules of Life

From time to time, I will publish a few of my Little Rules of Life. The list is long and extensive, but every now and then, I'll just throw a handful of them up here on the website as they come to me. It is important to note that these are not superstisions. They are Little Rules of Life. Some have concrete explanations. Some do not. But I follow them all almost as a matter of pure instinct, and I can't always explain why. A random sampling:

- Never take the top newspaper out of a newspaper machine. Always slide your hand below it and grab the second one from the top. The exception to this is if there are only two papers left. NEVER take the bottom paper in the pile.

- When making a toothbrush change, always make said change on a weekend, Friday, or holiday. NEVER change toothbrushes on a regular weekeday.

- An addendum to the above rule - always show proper respect to the outgoing toothbrush. Don't just replace it. Put the new toothbrush in with the outgoing one for a day or so while still brushing with the outgoing one. The ceremonial "final brush" should be akin to the changing of the guard at Arlington National Cemetery.

- After doing dishes, always place the newly cleaned dishes UNDER dishes of the same type in the cabinet. If you keep putting the newly cleaned plates on top of the ones already stacked in the cabinet, you'll keep using the same 3 or 4 plates while the ones on the bottom will never see the field. Playing time is important to dishes. Spread it around and make sure they all get some quality minutes periodically.

- There are certain times in life when a person simply has to be on their feet. NEVER be sitting down at the following times:

At midnight on New Year's Eve
During the Kentucky Derby
When any big game involving one of your favorite teams is on the line (this applies whether you are at the game or not)
During a Florida game at The Swamp if the score is within four touchdowns or anytime during the first three quarters
On Opening Day, during the first pitch of the season for your favorite baseball team
During a hockey fight or baseball brawl
When you are all-in with your cards turned up while playing Hold 'em
With two outs, not two strikes, at a baseball game with the home team leading in the 9th
When any one of your friends or family is involved in a dispute of any kind, verbal or non-verbal, unless it's with another one of your friends or family